Tears of Sorrow
by Crystal Mage
Summary: Syaoran hasn't come back for Sakura, and Sakura's getting very depressive. This is my first angst fic, so please review!


Hey, everybody! I'm back. Um, this fic takes place after the end of the manga, only Syaoran never came back. I kind of got rid of the Sakura book, so I guess it's been sealed again and set out for the next person to find. Touya and Yuki are a couple (though that doesn't have much relevance), and Fujitaka can see Nadeshiko, because Eriol gave him half of his powers. People may be out of character (especially Sakura), so please forgive me. This is my second completed fic, as one got deleted half-way through.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Card Captor Sakura and am only writing this for fun.  
  
Rest of comments at end. Enjoy!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tears of Sorrow  
  
By Crystal Mage  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bang bang bang.  
  
"Sakura, get up! You're going to be late for school!"  
  
Kinomoto Sakura stared at the ceiling, willing her older brother to go away.  
  
"Sakura, you need to get up! Do you want me to drag you out of bed?"  
  
Sakura willed herself to speak. "I'm up, Onii-chan."  
  
"All right, then. But hurry up."  
  
"Okay." Sakura rolled out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She had glossy shoulder-length auburn hair and emerald eyes that had once captivated all with their beauty. Now her eyes were devoid of every emotion except for a long suffering pain. How she could have such pain at the age of sixteen was a mystery to everyone except for her closest friends and family. The only thing that people really knew was that she'd started to look worse since about four years ago, when she'd realized that the boy she loved wasn't coming back.  
  
Of course Sakura didn't see this. She saw only a terrible wretch who'd been fooled into thinking that she could be loved by a certain boy; a wretch who'd also been fooled into loving that very same boy; and a wretch who'd been let down by that boy when he'd left for his home country and never returned. By now he's probably married to Meiling, she thought bitterly. She spat on her reflection and turned away. She started to get dressed, pulling on her high school uniform viciously, brushing her hair viciously, and getting her school things viciously, as if punishing herself for being so blind. She went downstairs to get her breakfast, putting on a very fake smile as she greeted her family.  
  
"Ohayo, Otou-san. Ohayo, Onii-chan." Her voice was faintly stressed from sounding so cheerful.  
  
"Ohayo, Sakura-chan," said her father as he set down a plate of food. Sakura ignored the plate and reached for a piece of toast.  
  
"Sakura, you really should eat more than that," said Touya, looking worried. Sakura was getting thinner by the day as she ate less and less.  
  
"I'm fine." She dropped her half-finished toast and grabbed her bag, stuffing on her shoes as she went to the door. "Ja." She went out the door and started to walk to school very slowly; she'd be there on time, though. She never ate for long enough to be late, no matter how slowly she walked. As she walked she started to berate herself:  
  
You're such a baka, Sakura-chan. You don't deserve to be loved by anyone, least of all by Syaoran-kun. I still don't see why you don't just get it over with....  
  
I need to be punished, she thought savagely. So that I remember how worthless I am.  
  
Ah, went the other voice, the one that tormented her on dark nights. I see. Well, you're certainly not worthy of someone so great as Li Syaoran, you've got that right.  
  
Hai, she responded.  
  
Faintly she could here someone calling, Iie! That's not true! Syaoran-kun loves you! Don't - But the other voice cut it off before Sakura could be swayed in that direction.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile at the Kinomoto house Touya, Fujitaka, and Nadeshiko were wondering what to do.  
  
"It's all his fault," declared Touya as he finished the dishes. He was in college, and his first class was in an hour. "That gaki's. He left her and never came back. It's all his fault that Sakura is so sad."  
  
"Now Touya-san, it may be that he's held in Hong Kong by matters outside of his control," said Fujitaka calmly. "I'm sure he loves Sakura-chan very much."  
  
"And if he doesn't?" asked Touya as he threw down the dish towel.  
  
"He must," he replied after glancing at Nadeshiko and seeing how sad she looked. "Now, I need to leave for the University. Don't be late for class."  
  
"Hai."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Finally Sakura arrived at school and met up with Tomoyo. She forced on another round of smiles in preparation for the school day and grinned at Tomoyo. "Ohayo, Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
"Ohayo, Sakura-chan! Are you ready for today's Math test?"  
  
Sakura thought about how good Syaoran was at Math and held back tears. "Iie...."  
  
"That's okay; I'll help you."  
  
And so went the conversation as they went inside and put away their things. But for all of Sakura's fake smiles and cheerfulness, Tomoyo still knew that something was wrong with Sakura, and she hoped that Syaoran would get smart and hurry back from Hong Kong.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
All during the school day people left Sakura alone, not wanting to worsen her depression. Unfortunately this had the opposite effect and left Sakura feeling even more unloved, until she finally ran from the room in tears in the middle of Math class.  
  
Tomoyo raised her hand cautiously. "Sensei...." Her voice trailed off before she finished the question, but the teacher got the idea and let her follow Sakura.  
  
Tomoyo searched through the school for Sakura and finally found her in the girls' restroom crying her heart out in a stall. Tomoyo walked over and asked, "Sakura-chan, do you want to talk?" When she heard no answer she rapped on the door. "Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Go away," Sakura croaked out.  
  
"Please, Sakura-chan, talk to me." Tomoyo tried the door and found out that it was locked. "Sakura-chan, what's wrong? Is it about Li-kun?" At this Sakura started to cry harder, and Tomoyo was about to leave when she heard Sakura say something.  
  
"He doesn't love me."  
  
Tomoyo sank to her knees in front of the stall. "Oh, Sakura-chan."  
  
"I'm not worth being loved at all."  
  
Tomoyo sucked in a breath. Not only was Sakura depressed over Syaoran not coming back, but she'd convinced herself that she was unworthy of being loved at all. "That's not true. You're -"  
  
"I'm what? Ugly? Disgusting? A disgrace to be with? Is that what I am?"  
  
"Iie. You're beautiful and a joy to be around. Anyone who doesn't love you is out of their minds."  
  
"But Syaoran-kun doesn't love me."  
  
"Then he doesn't see what a wonderful person you are, how beautiful you are, or how talented you are."  
  
"But he still doesn't love me, so no one should."  
  
"Sakura-chan.... Li-kun does love you. He must." Otherwise he'd be too stupid to be Li-kun, thought Tomoyo.  
  
"Then why hasn't he come back yet?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe he has business with the Li clan."  
  
"And then that business is more important than I am...." Sakura's sobs resumed behind the door.  
  
"Iie.... Maybe he has to complete the business to return to you."  
  
"Maybe...." Tomoyo heard Sakura wipe her face, then the click of the lock as it was undone, and Sakura came out to finish her day on that thought.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Little did Tomoyo know how close she was to the truth.  
  
At that moment in Hong Kong the man they had been discussing was squaring off against the Elders; not in a physical battle, but in a verbal battle.  
  
"Please," stated Syaoran, as he did every day, "you must let me return to Japan."  
  
"And why," said the Head Elder, as he also did every day, "must we?"  
  
"Because I am needed there."  
  
"And by whom?"  
  
"Kinomoto Sakura," replied Syaoran as his heart started to quicken. He always got caught near here.  
  
"And why should we care about her?"  
  
"Because she is the Card Mistress."  
  
"Wouldn't it be more beneficial if she died so that the Cards would be open to us again?"  
  
Syaoran took a breath and decided to use an idea he'd thought of the previous day during fighting practice. "Yes, but wouldn't it be so much easier if she married into the clan? Then we wouldn't have to conquer each Card again. And it would please me."  
  
"Why should we care if it pleases you?"  
  
"Because I'm to be the Clan Leader in two years time."  
  
"Ah, but as of yet you lack that authority."  
  
"I still have substantial power, though."  
  
"I'll grant you that. Why don't we make a deal."  
  
"What sort of deal?"  
  
"It'll go like this. You'll fight our most worthy opponent, and if you win you'll be able to return to Japan and keep face. But if you loose you will be cast from the clan and loose all honor. Agreed?" The Elder stretched out a wrinkled hand.  
  
Syaoran thought hard. Do I really care about Sakura enough to risk loosing the clan?  
  
Of course you do. If not, then you don't deserve her.  
  
Syaoran gritted his teeth and shook the offered hand. "Agreed."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, what do I do if Syaoran-kun never comes back?" asked Sakura as Tomoyo walked her home from school.  
  
"I don't know, and I don't have to because I know that Li-kun's going to come back, no matter what," replied Tomoyo in a very confident tone of voice.  
  
"But what if he doesn't come...."  
  
"Well, why don't we give him a week? That should be enough time to wait, and then we can decide what to do after that."  
  
"Okay.... A week. And after that I can do whatever I want." Sakura stated this with conviction.  
  
Suddenly Tomoyo didn't feel so great about her idea. "Yeah.... Just, Sakura-chan, if he doesn't come in a week, please don't do anything rash."  
  
"Rash? Why on Earth would I do anything rash?" asked Sakura, her voice sounding a bit odd.  
  
"Never mind...."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Syaoran looked around him. How had he gotten here in the first place? Sakura, he reminded himself. That was why he was here. That was why he was about to fight the clan's most capable fighter; with no magic, of course. He was dressed up in his traditional fighting costume, a green overrobe decorated with symbols and white underclothes. His dark brown hair glistened under his green hat, and his amber eyes shone with excitement. Soon he was going to be able to see his beloved Sakura again, with or without the clan's support.  
  
Suddenly he heard a door open. He looked over at the other side of the courtyard and saw a slender figure dressed in red step out. He gasped; was it? But it couldn't be.... He hadn't seen her in years. Surely.... But it was. Out stepped Li Meiling, ex-fiancee of Syaoran, and a very good fighter.  
  
"Nii hao, Xiao Lang. Long time no see." Meiling had grown up since Syaoran had last seen her. Her body was more curvaceous and she was taller. Her hair was done up in her normal style, but it only reached her shoulders. She was beautiful; in fact, she was gorgeous enough to have any man slavering all over. She smiled.  
  
"Nii hao, Mei Ling. It has been a while. What have you been up to?" he asked, trying to appear calm.  
  
"Well, this and that, really. Not much. But I have been perfecting my fighting skills. Even if I don't have magic, I can still be an asset to the clan." Her voice sounded bitter. She'd always wanted magic, so as to impress Syaoran more.  
  
"Hmm. I wonder how good you -"  
  
Right then the Head Elder shouted, "Begin!"  
  
Straightaway Meiling flung a kick at Syaoran's middle, trying to get rid of him quickly. Syaoran blocked it and threw punches at her, all of which she blocked. She then did a back flip and landed behind Syaoran, giving him just enough time to spin around before she began her own barrage of blows. Syaoran flinched as he blocked them. Meiling was good.  
  
Kami-sama! he thought. She's really been practicing! I don't know if I can beat her.... Suddenly he realized that Meiling wasn't in front of him, then he felt a kick to the backs of his knees, causing him to fall onto his knees. But that gave him an opening. He grabbed Meiling's right ankle and yanked, making her fall onto the stone on her back. Syaoran stood up and got into a fighting stance, ready to attack when she got up.  
  
Meiling jumped up and Syaoran kicked and punched at her as quick as lightning. Meiling blocked them all and grinned; she knew she would win. She assaulted him right back, putting him on the offensive. Syaoran checked her attacks, constantly searching for an opening. He felt sweat on his forehead and hoped that it wouldn't get into his eyes.  
  
"Can't you do better than that, Little Wolf?" taunted Meiling, smirking as she pushed him closer to the wall.  
  
Syaoran didn't answer in words, but he did break away and do a back flip, sending him behind Meiling. He charged at her, putting renewed force into his attacks; for Sakura, he thought. Then he started backing Meiling into a corner, preparing to capture and defeat her. He grinned a bit; he'd thought Meiling was better than this.  
  
Then Meiling performed a roll to the side, giving Syaoran a moment to wipe the sweat off his forehead, but it wasn't long enough. While Syaoran was still preoccupied Meiling kicked him in the stomach, send him flying into the wall, half on his back. He struggled to get away, but Meiling was too fast. She sent blow after blow at him, and at his angle he found it harder and harder to block them. Finally she got around his guard and hit him on the jaw, and his head hit the wall. Then he saw stars, and heard one thing before he blacked out; "I'm sorry."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Syaoran felt horrible. His head ached and his whole body felt covered in bruises. There's no doubt that Meiling will get a good marriage, what with fighting skills like those. He tried to move and gasped; the pain was immediate and stung like fire. He looked at his surroundings, took a self evaluation, and discovered that he was in an alley in Hong Kong, with a bag of money in his coat pocket. He was in no condition to fight and was very glad that no one had taken his money. Then he noticed a letter sticking out of a coat pocket. He reached over, picked it up, and read it. He also noticed that it was in Japanese.  
  
Dear Syaoran,  
  
I'm very sorry for having to hurt you so and I hope that you know how difficult it was for me. I convinced the Elders to change you into warmer clothes, pack your things, and take all of your money out of your bank accounts, so that you can get to Japan. Please tell everyone hello for me and give them all hugs; except for Cerberus, that is. There's a plane leaving for Japan, and I got you a ticket. It's at five o'clock, so don't miss it. Don't worry about me. I am getting married to a great man in a year and love him very much. I wish you the best of luck in Japan and hope you have a great life.  
  
Your Cousin,  
  
Li Meiling  
  
Syaoran smiled. He was glad that Meiling hadn't really enjoyed the fight; it was probably just the adrenaline in her veins making her so harsh. He glanced at his watch. It was four-thirty. He had half an hour to get to the airport, and it was - he looked at the barely visible street sign - around a mile away. If he walked quickly he would normally just be able to make it, but now....  
  
Great, he thought. Just great. I'm stuck a mile away from an airport and I can hardly move, let alone walk.... Well...here goes. He gritted his teeth and stood up, wincing as his muscles screamed. I can make it. Just think about Sakura.... He smiled grimly, set Sakura's image as he had last seen it in his head, and started off, pausing every now and then to catch his breath.  
  
As he - well, shuffled - he thought about the fight. It really had been his fault that he'd lost. He'd cut back on his training time by an hour a day to think of ways to convince the Elders to let him get Sakura, and that had probably been his undoing. Also, Meiling had improved immensely. She was quicker than she'd ever been and knew all of the moves by heart.  
  
Then Syaoran realized that he was a block away from the airport, and he only had a minute left. He grabbed his bag and forced himself to run, muscles straining at the overuse. He burst through the doors and ignored the security personnel, looking at his ticket to find the gate number.  
"May I help you, sir?" asked a receptionist.  
  
"Yes. I'm looking for the flight to Japan...."  
  
"Right this way, sir." She got up and walked a ways, heels clicking. "Here you are." She stopped in front of a gate.  
  
"Thank you," gasped Syaoran as he flung himself at the gate as it was about to close. "I need to board...."  
  
"Ticket, please," said the woman seated there. Syaoran shoved the ticket at her. "Thank you. Right through this door and -" Syaoran didn't hear the rest as he bolted down to the plane and boarded. He stowed away his bag and finally allowed himself to rest. He'd made it. Now all he needed was to get to Sakura....  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, I understand that you care about me a lot, but I just can't live like this."  
  
"But Sakura-chan! Please, just one more day...." Tomoyo faded out, realizing she couldn't change anything.  
  
"Gomen, but I just can't. I've already waited for a week, and for years before that. I've made up my mind. Sayonara."  
  
"But -" Click. Sakura had hung up on her, and she was really going to do it. Oh, Li-kun, please hurry up. Otherwise you'll loose Sakura.... Tomoyo lay down on her bed and cried herself to sleep, wondering how Sakura had become so depressed as to take her life.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sakura stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. I'm ugly, unlovable, and don't deserve to live. I'm ugly, unlovable, and don't.... Sakura repeated this sentence over and over through her head as a sort of mantra, preparing herself for what she was about to do.  
  
She looked at the razor blade in her hand. She'd gotten it a few years back when Touya and Fujitaka had left her all by herself, and hid it for what she'd always known as inevitable. Just four quick slashes, she told herself. One on both wrists and one on each ankle. That's it. Then I float away in a sea of bliss.  
  
And it was true. Sakura had filled the bathtub with water in preparation, and was going to settle in and fall asleep after she'd cut herself. It was a simple enough plan, and destined to work. Then she heard a little voice pop up.  
  
Don't do it, Sakura-chan. Live. Syaoran-kun loves you. He's coming for you right now. Just wait a few minutes.  
  
Iie! Go on, do it. Forever end your pain in total and exalting ecstasy.  
  
Hai.... Sakura's arm bent and she cocked the blade over her wrist.  
  
Iie! Sakura-chan -  
  
Hush!  
  
Sakura calmed herself and raised her arm, about to bring down the razor-sharp edge.  
  
"Sakura!"  
  
Sakura spun around and couldn't believe her ears. "Syaoran-kun...?"  
  
Syaoran burst into the bathroom, and it only took him a second to realize what was going on. Instantly he went over to Sakura and took the razor from her trembling fingers. "Sakura, why were you going to do this?" He looked her in the eyes, and she realized that she could never lie to him.  
  
"I - well - you never came back.... I'm not worthy of living, or of being loved, so it's better if I just die." She bit her lip and looked down. Syaoran inhaled sharply.  
  
"You...were going to kill yourself because I didn't come back? Don't you know that I've spent every day since I finished my business in Hong Kong trying to convince the Elders to let me return here?"  
  
"Iie. I never heard from you. I figured you must hate me...."  
  
Syaoran grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Sakura, I would never hate you. I love you, and I always will. Never forget that."  
  
"Hai...."  
  
"Now let's get this cleaned up, then you can go to sleep. You need to rest." Sakura nodded, overwhelmed with the day's events.  
  
After Syaoran had drained the tub and put away the blade, he took Sakura into her room. "Now, Sakura," he said, gazing at her earnestly, "you have no idea what I've gone through to be here, so be a good girl and stay safe in bed for a while. Mind Touya and your father. Okay?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Good." Syaoran pulled the covers up over Sakura's shoulders.  
  
"Syaoran-kun...," she whispered.  
  
"Shh," he murmured.  
  
"Aishiteru...."  
  
Syaoran smiled. "Aishiteru, Sakura. I'll never leave your side again."  
  
Sakura mumbled something and drifted off to sleep, her face peaceful for the first time in years.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Erg. Horrible, horrible, horrible sap at the end.... Ugh. Please forgive any errors in the fight scene or elsewhere. If I'm incorrect in the han yu ping yun (Chinese written in English) or the Japanese words, feel free to tell me. Also feel free to review my fic, or to flame it; any criticism is good. I will be writing two more fics, only they'll both be Tomoyo and Eriol. They kind of go with this one. Arigato for reading! ~ C-Mage 


End file.
